THE TROUBLE WITH CAR CHASES
by Ballyuk
Summary: Clark is roped in by Lois to help her investigate some shady dealings by Ron Milano's crime syndicate, but getting away proves to be a bigger challenge than getting in. Set after 8x02 (Plastique).


Author's Note: I do not own the characters.

* * *

 **THE TROUBLE WITH CAR CHASES.**

* * *

A sunny late Saturday afternoon at the Daily Planet, and Clark was sat on the edge of his desk in the bullpen frowning while Lois glared at both pairs of faces, as Chloe snickered away at the sheer hilarity of their story. She knew the two of them pairing up to work together would be the source of much entertainment and fireworks but she hadn't expected things to kick off so soon, or so spectacularly. Clark had been working at the world famous newspaper for a little over two weeks.

"If they ever make a movie about you two, I want premiere tickets!" laughed Chloe, taking in the sight of her cousin and her best friend in their somewhat dishevelled state.

They looked more like two people who'd just been caught having a tumble in the hay than two people who'd sneaked into a disused warehouse to get a major scoop. Messy hair, smudged faces, flushed skin. Lois was busy rubbing at the grass stain below her knee and the bottom of Clark's jeans were caked in dried muddy water.

"Laugh all you want, but when I get the article approved, those guys are gonna end up behind bars," Lois retorted as she continued to dab at the grass stain. "Smallville, you're gonna have to learn to think on your feet. This isn't like baling hay. Staying one step ahead is how you go far in this game."

Chloe and Clark exchanged a knowing glance.

Lois didn't want to admit it, but she was having a lot of fun working with Clark. She hadn't expected to enjoy her job so much once Chloe had left, and she hadn't been too keen on being left to effectively mentor Clark. She doubted if he had the wherewithal to keep up with her. He was very wet behind the ears but he was also making progress, could play the good cop to her bad cop, was extremely punctual and conscientious plus he looked sharp in a suit. That was a little added bonus, thought Lois. People would be hard-pressed to tell that until very recently, Clark had been a farmboy. Lois now thought they made a good team.

"So did you get everything you wanted?" asked Chloe.

Clark dropped the file on Lois' desk as Lois continued to recount the purpose of their trip in great detail.

"Well...,"

* * *

 _A little bit earlier._

"Oh man!" Lois whined as she quickly checked herself over. She had slipped on some wet grass on the small patch of woodland leading towards the clearing where she'd parked her car, out of sight from the abandoned warehouse.

No physical damage but she'd managed to knock her baseball cap off, loosening her ponytail. Breaking her fall had resulted in her face hitting the dirt unceremoniously, but it was better that than a full-on faceplant or worse, actually being hit by one of the bullets being fired in her direction by Ron Milano's angry foot soldiers. No, a few scuffs and grass stains were just collateral damage. They had the evidence and a chance to make a break for it.

Clark had slid over just behind her and she thought he was simply ducking for cover. She didn't know that he had actually caught a bullet that would otherwise have hit her square in the back of her head, and the action of diving at super-speed was the reason he had landed so close to her. His clothes were equally scuffed, his hair had become unkempt and there were smudges of dirt on his face.

Lois had dressed for the occasion in dark grey sweatpants, dark sneakers, a black hooded sweatshirt emblazoned with "MET U" in red, and a plain black baseball cap from behind which protruded her ponytail. She looked like a sporty but cute college chick rather than a reporter for a newspaper, complete with backpack. She had packed a heavy flashlight and brought along her camcorder to get some video evidence of wrongdoing. Clark was dressed in his regular plain blue t-shirt beneath his blue jacket, along with dark blue jeans and his regular work boots - a request from Lois to dress casually when she'd summoned him that morning to accompany her on her investigation.

"Don't let them get away!" came a shout from somewhere near the building behind them, prompting Lois into action.

Lois sprung up and made for the nearest tree, managing to hide behind it just as the bark got splintered by another 9mm. Her car was within sight now, and all it required was a thirty yard dash through the last thicket of trees. The trees were her friend now. They would provide cover. She hadn't been counting the number of shots fired but she believed that in the time it took for the goons to reload, she would have a window of opportunity to escape.

"Smallville, haul ass!" she called out behind her, taking off in the direction of her car.

She made it through the trees, adrenaline pumping while fishing for her keys in her pocket, her face a picture of determination. _Gonna make it, gonna make it!_ She reached the driver's side and opened the door, diving inside. There was no time to wonder how far behind her Clark was because almost immediately, the passenger side door swung open and the tall burly frame of Clark dropped down into the seat, shoving Lois back over to her side in one move.

Lois had the keys in the ignition, the car in drive and her foot on the gas like a seasoned getaway driver, and the red coupe took off down the dusty road amid a flurry of wheel spin - sand and loose gravel flying everywhere as angry men clambered aboard two black SUVs in pursuit. The closer Lois and Clark got to the main road, the further away it seemed. The small wooded area between the dirt road and the main road offered very few escape routes for any vehicle larger than a bike because the trees were so densely packed.

"Come on, come on, come on!" urged Lois as her car took an age to get into the right gear.

Clark looked over his shoulder at the SUVs ready to chase them down. The terrain was not in Lois' favour, and the lack of power plus a lack of grip were noticeable. Shots continued to ring out but Lois' car had remained free of bullet holes and importantly, so had herself and Clark. Maybe that old movie trope about villains being notoriously bad shots had some basis in fact after all.

The dusty road gradually gave way to bumpy and grassy terrain and the trees were getting closer. Lois knew she had to find a way through them somehow. Doubling back was not an option. The thicket of trees might also provide some cover from the hail of gunfire. Just to the left, she spotted a gap. Weighing up her options, it was either that or getting caught. She went for it.

Once her car reached the gap, Lois drifted the back end ninety degrees with a hard left, making Clark squirm in his seat and grab the handle tightly as she gunned the car forwards between two trees.

"Lois, what are you doing?" Clark enquired, voice low and butt clenched. In moments like this, he didn't half feel human. On foot, he could negotiate his way through at super-speed with the minimum of fuss, but sitting with a notoriously crazy woman behind the wheel was an entirely different proposition.

Lois was slowly warming to her task, and Clark could see both concentration and delight on her face as she sunk her teeth into her lower lip excitedly. She was actually enjoying the adrenaline rush.

"It's like the General always says - being cornered does not mean defeat. I snuck onto an evasive driving course at the base one time. Trust me Smallville, I'll get us out of here in one piece."

Clark wasn't at all sure Lois' faith was well placed as he looked out at the woodland stretched before them. The gap was indeed narrow enough for her car and the SUVs would have to take an alternative route down to the road if they were going to continue the chase, but there was no guarantee that Lois would be able to negotiate a path down to the road that didn't result in an almighty crash. Milano's mob had vehicles better suited to the rough terrain but the closeness of the trees presented a different obstacle.

"I'm not sure this is such a good idea."

Lois ignored him, believing she had agility on her side. If nothing else, it would buy them some time. This was their opportunity to lose the chasing pack. She floored the pedal and the car flew forward. Seeing the main road at the bottom of the grassy incline where the green canopy became sparser, Lois weaved through the first gap and made for the road like a seasoned rally driver - all rapid steering inputs, speed and no fear.

"Woooooowweeeeeeee!" Lois hollered at the top of her lungs, her face displaying an almost maniacal glee, completely exhilarated by the experience. She was living an action sequence for real.

Clark was still holding on for dear life, speechless. The thicket of trees was clearing fast and the ground beside the road dipped just below the surface level, so with the speed Lois was travelling at, the car would briefly become airborne. He prayed that the road was clear when they joined it because it was not going to be pretty.

Even so, it still required Lois to administer a sharp right turn to avoid swerving onto the other side of the road with their momentum as they joined it. Amid a screech of tyres, she just missed smashing into an 18-wheeler that was trundling along in the opposite direction. The driver honked his displeasure at the near miss.

"Did we lose them?" Lois' heart was pounding in her chest right now.

Clark dared to look behind him but there was no sign of the SUVs. "I can't see them."

Picking up the pace once more, Lois steered her car around two slower moving vehicles. Up ahead was a fairly clear stretch of road so she dared to step on it. The road curved left further into the distance, and just as Lois' car followed round the curve, she spotted something coming in the opposite direction - a white vehicle with something atop it. At the speed they were travelling, it soon became clear that it was a police car. The 'thing' atop it was a set of lights. They were not currently flashing but if Lois carried on at this pace, she was bound to catch the officer's attention.

"Uh, I think we might have a new problem," Lois informed Clark as she continued to belt down the road. She was already well over the limit as the engine screamed in protest at the heavy right foot and a gearbox that took an age to comply.

Clark had continued looking back and around. Nothing. Hearing Lois speak, he turned to face the front and saw the oncoming police car himself. Lois would be tearing past it very soon and drawing attention to them both. They were still at least a mile from the next turnpike.

"If you've got anything up your sleeve Smallville, now's the time. We can't let them catch up."

He racked his brain to think of something as he couldn't just use his powers to get them both out of there. As he was thinking of a new plan, he looked again through the rear window and could see the SUVs emerge from a small slip road just beside a thicket of trees in the distance. The SUVs were heading their way.

"Any ideas?" queried Lois.

The distance between her and the police car was closing by the second. She knew she couldn't just slow down.

"Well?" she asked again, more urgently this time.

Clark quickly took stock of the situation, looking out of all the windows and also around the inside of the car. Ideally, he wanted to take the wheel before Lois flipped the car into a ditch or something, but she wouldn't be willing to relinquishing the controls. For one thing, it was her car. For another, he drove far too slowly for her liking. In the door compartment beside him, he spotted a bottle of water and immediately, an idea formed in his mind.

It was crazy, but crazy surprisingly worked more often than not. Under the circumstances, crazy was the only option available. He had no idea why this of all ideas had suddenly come to him, and he winced as he pictured Lois tearing strips off him for daring to offer such a solution. She would be more inclined to take her chances with the police officer or Milano's men, he was certain of that.

"I have an idea," Clark replied cautiously.

"Well don't bite your tongue. In case you hadn't noticed, we don't have much time!"

Clark bravely made the call, removing his jacket as he did so.

"Lois, keep your speed up," he began to explain his theory, picking up the water bottle, opening it and spilling some of the contents on the front edge of his seat.

Lois took her eyes off the road momentarily to listen to Clark's suggestion, seeing what he was doing with the bottle of water. "Are you crazy? We'll get pulled over for sure! And what the hell are you doing to my car?!" she thundered.

"Just do it! And once we get past the cop, we need to switch places," Clark insisted.

"Why?"

"Because I need _you_ to be pregnant," Clark explained, ducking from view as they drew closer to the passing police car. Yes, _this_ was the crazy part.

Lois nearly swerved over the other side of the road, completely stunned by the suggestion. At that moment, they flew past the police car and as expected, the flashing lights came on and the police officer began spinning his car around to pursue them.

"What!" cried Lois in sheer disbelief at what she was hearing.

"We need a diversion because those guys are on our tail now," Clark explained, glancing back again. "I'm going to drop my seat back and when I do, you need to do the same, and then I need you to climb over me while I take the wheel."

"What the hell does any of that have to do with a baby?" Lois shrilled, thoroughly frazzled and still gunning the car forward.

"If you look like you're going into labour, I can explain why we were speeding once we get pulled over. Those guys are not gonna come near us while we're with a police officer, right?"

Lois' brain cranked into gear as she processed what Clark was saying, and she quickly understood what he was getting at. She gave it due consideration after realising she had no ideas of her own.

"Fine!" she muttered with a huff in grudging acceptance. Getting ready to pull off the old switcheroo, she undid her seat belt and rolled her seat back slightly, reclining it all the way back. Clark was much taller than she was so he would need the room.

"Ready?" Clark asked. Lois nodded. A beat. "Now!"

Within a couple of seconds, Lois had shuffled over Clark into the passenger seat as he slid his body under hers to move into the driver's seat, quickly grabbing the wheel as she released it and planting his foot down on the gas. The tight confines had led to closer contact than either would have wanted and the intimacy of the action was unavoidable as Lois' butt ground against Clark's groin, but neither dwelled on it. The car had momentarily slowed during the switching of places but they were soon hammering along the road again.

"I can't believe I'm agreeing to this!" Lois continued to whine, aghast at the small pool of water sloshing about the passenger footwell. The car had been valeted less than a week ago.

"It'll work if we play it right. Splash some water on your face and put my jacket under your top and cradle it. Do you know how to act like a woman in labour?"

"No I don't! What are you trying to say? What's with the water? How is this even going to work?" Lois spat out almost as fast as the car was travelling.

Clark hastily gave his reasoning. "You'll look like you're sweating. You just need to breathe hard and pretend you're in pain."

"Oh, well why didn't you just say so?!" Lois replied sarcastically.

"Lois, we don't have a choice. The cop will be on us any second now," said Clark, glancing at his wing mirror as he did so.

"You're enjoying this, aren't you?" Lois was peeved that Clark's bright idea required her to be the damsel in distress.

"I'm just trying to get us out of a jam." Clark wished he could simply knock Lois out with a little flick of the finger so he could use his super powers if necessary. He couldn't risk her seeing anything.

The police officer had really put pedal to the metal, gaining on them rapidly as the insistent wail of the siren pierced the air. Clark pulled the car to a stop by the side of the road and the officer stopped a couple of car lengths behind, getting out and making his way over. He looked cross.

"It's showtime," sighed Clark, shaking his head at what was about to go down. "You ready?" Lois simply scowled back.

As the officer tapped on the driver side window to get Clark's attention, Lois cradled her 'bump' and pretended she was going into labour. Clark rolled his window down.

"Licence and registration please," demanded the officer in a stern voice. He was perhaps no more than 30 years of age, had short brown side-combed hair and was wearing aviator sunglasses. Height-wise he was probably under 6 feet and rather stocky in build. The officer didn't look like he was built for a foot chase but by the annoyed expression on his face and in his tone, he was more likely to be of the 'shoot first, ask questions later' mindset.

Clark knew he had to play it cool. The last thing either of them needed was to get arrested. He carefully reached into his jeans for his wallet, taking it out and opening it to show his driver's licence to the officer.

"Do you know what the speed limit on this stretch is?" asked the officer, not looking up as he checked Clark's licence.

"Yes officer," Clark replied.

"Mind telling me why you were going at least 20 miles per hour over the limit?"

"Actually, it's kind of an emergency. I was with my girlfriend," Clark explained apologetically, grimacing at his use of the word 'girlfriend'. The word had popped out far too easily. Lois had even stopped groaning for a second when she heard it. "We were having a nice picnic in the woods and then, well..."

Clark indicated to the officer with a nod of the head to look over at his 'girlfriend' in the passenger seat. He then turned to face Lois with his eyes pleading for her to carry on playing along. "Honey, it's gonna be OK. Just breathe now."

That was like a red rag to a bull. Lois glared back at him, absolutely furious now. "Don't you 'honey' me! This is all _your_ fault!" she roared ferociously, really getting into her role and startling Clark while leaning forward to cradle her bump again.

At the commotion, the officer leaned into the car and looked over to the passenger seat and his stony face dropped at the sight of the woman in apparent agony from being in labour. She was breathing hard, her face was red, sweat-soaked, and she cradling her baby bump. He also got a glimpse of the wetness on the seat between her legs and rightfully assumed that her waters had broken.

"Oh Christ!"

"Aaaaaarrrggh! Do something!" she pleaded at the top of her lungs, pounding her left hand into Clark's thigh. He was so mesmerised by her performance that he almost forgot to flinch.

"What were you doing out in the woods in your condition ma'am?" the officer asked, his voice now shorn of the authority he'd first displayed when he'd approached the car.

Lois decided to use this moment to get her own back on Clark.

" _He_...," she jabbed Clark's chest for added emphasis, "...wanted to go out for a picnic because I've been cooped up in the house all week. It's hot, uncomfortable and boring as hell! He was gonna ask me to marry him but the big clumsy doofus dropped the ring in the river!"

Clark turned sharply, stunned that Lois would ever suggest to anyone that he would ask for her hand in marriage. "What?!"

"Can you believe that?" Lois continued, laying back to appear exhausted and then addressing Clark directly. "And then you left all our food out in the woods, including your mom's favourite blanket. Ten bucks says a bear is chowing down on that picnic basket right now! Seriously Clark, you'd forget your head if it wasn't screwed on."

Clark was miffed. "What are you doing?" he hissed.

Lois simply glared at him, silently asking him to play along too. If she was going down, she was taking him with her.

"Did you really drop the engagement ring in the river?" asked the incredulous officer. He'd completely forgotten why he'd pulled the car over in the first place.

Clark looked at Lois wearily before turning back to the officer sheepishly, while Lois angled her head away to smirk at his obvious discomfort. The officer seemed unsure about how to handle the situation.

"Officer, I really need to get her to Met Gen. I'm sorry we were speeding but as you can see," Clark said, nodding at Lois, who began Lamaze breathing and groaning for all she was worth in a ridiculously over-the-top dramatic Oscar-baiting performance. He then watched through her window as the two black SUVs carrying Milano's men rumbled by. "Can _you_ drive us?"

The officer's eyes went wide. He'd actually been on a routine patrol when he spotted the speeding red coupe bombing the other way. He didn't want to have to drive them to Metropolis General and deal with the mess in his car, and he knew an ambulance would take too long to arrive even if called immediately. He sure as hell didn't want to have to help deliver the baby.

"Aaarrgghhh! Get this minion of Satan outta me!" begged Lois, grabbing Clark's knee and really digging in. Clark pretended to flinch in pain again.

The officer had to think fast because it was clear the lady wouldn't be able to hold out for much longer. "Hold on ma'am, I'll be right back."

The officer walked back to his car, got on the radio to relay instructions to dispatch before fetching his spare blue beacon from the trunk. He walked back over to Lois' car, popping the beacon on the roof and switching it on. He asked Clark to plug the cable into the cigarette lighter.

"I'll give you an escort up to the hospital. With this thing, you'll have a clear run," the officer said quickly.

"You can do that?" asked a surprised Lois.

"Under the circumstances ma'am, I think I can clear it with the chief. Let's just get you to Met Gen safe and sound huh?"

Lois and Clark both nodded, both evidently surprised. Lois cradled her bump. As the officer set off, Clark followed on and the vehicles made their way to Metropolis General.

"What's he gonna say when it turns out there's no baby under here?" asked Lois, getting antsy.

"Don't worry Lois, I'll think of something."

"Riiiiight," Lois drawled sarcastically, "because that's really worked out well for you so far."

Clark kept quiet but he was still very annoyed that Lois had added the fake story about a proposal and a lost engagement ring. Watching the officer, he'd got the feeling that the picnic story and the false labour had more than done the trick. They'd managed to fend off Milano's men and they had the evidence that could help lock away some dangerous criminals. The idea of Lois being in labour had come to him so quickly and so easily and he wasn't sure why. Lois in her fury had concocted the proposal tale just to get her own back at him, and yet the officer had fallen for it hook, line and sinker. It dawned on Clark that he and Lois as anything more than bickering buddies wasn't something out of the ordinary to anyone's eyes but their own, even at first glance. He could see nothing between them that could ever suggest the potential for a relationship yet there was something there that very easily convinced people otherwise.

* * *

Twenty minutes of driving at a pace that was above city speed limits yet still painfully slow going for Lois' liking, and despite being able to go through red light after red right with impunity, the vehicles pulled into the parking lot in front of Metropolis General. Lois had spent the whole time alternating between complaining that Clark's plan would soon be rumbled, reminding him not to wreck her car, and pointing out that he drove like an old lady even with a police escort and free rein. The officer found a spot reserved for police and emergency vehicles, and directed Clark towards a space just opposite the entrance to the maternity wing.

The officer dashed to Lois' car, opening her door to offer his help as Clark jumped out and stepped over.

"That's alright officer, I can take it from here," he suggested, hoping the mounting panic inside him wasn't showing. He didn't want their little lie to unravel now.

Lois pretended to struggle to get up. Fortunately her irritation made her impression of a woman in labour that much more convincing. "Thank you officer, but don't let us keep you."

The officer didn't budge and he wanted to make sure Lois made it into the building safely. He was just about to cross over to the entrance and call over a porter with a wheelchair when Clark stopped him, unnaturally insistent.

"Is that your radio?"

His super-hearing had picked up a message from dispatch on the radio asking for all available units to head downtown where a few skirmishes had broken out at a student protest rally. The officer looked at him, surprised that anyone could hear it over the noise of the sirens from an ambulance that had just pulled in front of the ER. Nonetheless, he went back to his patrol car to check.

"Get rid of him Clark, before we both get busted," Lois demanded, sitting back down in her seat.

Clark frowned, uncertain of what story to concoct next. Fortunately for him, the officer came back over and apologised, saying that he was required elsewhere immediately.

"You've been a big help, officer," Lois told him, keeping up the pretence of having contractions. The breathing was coming more naturally as the effort took its toll. "But you must have more important things to take care of and we don't wanna keep you."

"You're sure ma'am?"

"YES!" both Lois and Clark cried out in unison. Clark was sporting a worried look and Lois had a maniacal expression on her face, grinning widely. The officer simply put it down to hormones and the stress of the situation and made nothing of it.

"Well, alright," he finally said, causing both Lois and Clark to take a silent breath of relief. "Mr Kent, just take her through those doors and it's the first door on your left. The nurses will be on hand. Let me wish you both all the best. I'm sure it'll all go well and you two will have a beautiful bouncing baby in no time."

"We appreciate that, officer. Thanks for understanding. I promise we'll be more careful next time," Clark replied, not looking at Lois but certain that she was repulsed by the very idea of a next time.

"No problem, sir. I remember what it was like with my first-born, and the missus is due again in about three months so I'm sure I'll be running around just like you guys."

"Oh, in that case, good luck to you too!" Lois said, wincing from the 'pain', hoping the officer would finally leave.

The officer eventually made his way back to his car and departed, and they waited until he was completely out of sight before Clark dared to get back behind the wheel. Lois had removed Clark's crumpled jacket and tossed it on the back seat, exhausted.

The ride back to the Daily Planet was carried out in virtual silence until Clark parked up on the street behind the building.

"Well...that was interesting," he opined, breaking the silence and heavy with the understatement. He had no idea investigative journalism could be so fraught yet make him feel so alive at the same time.

"Let's just get the story prepped and get outta there. I'm officially wiped," Lois groaned sourly. She really looked it too.

Getting out of the car, Clark commented, "It's not every day you get to experience the joys of labour."

Lois visibly darkened as her ire rose to the surface. The episode had been extremely embarrassing for her. Finding her feisty edge once more, she argued back. "Hey, if it wasn't for you, I wouldn't be experiencing it at all!"

Clark looked away embarrassed. She clearly hadn't noticed that what she said could be taken very differently. There wasn't the remotest chance that Lois could become pregnant by him. First of all because he didn't know if he could even have children with a human, and second of all, because it was Lois, which was so far outside the realm of possibility that unicorns and flying pigs would be spotted first. Having a baby together would require them to have...well...you know...He couldn't bring himself to finish that thought.

All that being said, Lois acting like a pregnant woman did have its amusing moments for him too. He admired the way she took on a task with 100% commitment when it mattered to her. She'd successfully fooled the police officer, and there were moments where he himself had to blink at how convincing an actress she could be. If she ever really became pregnant, how much of a handful would she be? He shook his head, pitying the poor unfortunate soul who would one day be faced with that very same scenario. That guy didn't know what he was letting himself in for.

"What do you want me to say? It was a great idea," Clark announced confidently, looking as smug as he could. She was already mad and he knew he had nothing to lose by teasing her now.

"Really?"

"You're just mad that I came up with a plan that worked."

Lois narrowed her eyes. "Am not!"

"You are."

Getting mad. "Am not!"

Stoking the fire. "You are!"

Getting madder. "I am NOT. Times infinity!"

And so it went on as they walked past people on the street, locked in their own heated discussion on their way towards the bowels of the Daily Planet. The onlookers could only wonder how two grown people could bicker so childishly.

Chloe was sat at Lois' desk patiently waiting for Lois to show up. She'd spoken to her cousin earlier and arranged to meet up at the Daily Planet so they could begin discussing plans for Chloe's engagement party. Lois had mentioned something about needing to pop out for an assignment but said no more, and Chloe hadn't pressed Lois for more information either. What Chloe didn't know was that Lois had roped Clark in to help with her assignment. Chloe was surprised to see the bickering buddies in the middle of yet another heated conversation as they headed down the staircase and into the bullpen. They were walking in sync, with Lois moving a little more briskly and gesticulating wildly, while Clark effortlessly swerved around a co-worker heading up the steps between them. All the while they were glaring at one another, clearly peeved about something. Chloe surmised that this who they were, arriving at the same destination via the medium of bickering. They were so engrossed in this argument that both failed to notice Chloe's presence.

"Next time, I'm calling the shots. You're the copy boy and I'm top banana. Got it?"

"You _asked_ for my help! I made a suggestion and it worked," argued Clark.

"You're lucky that officer just so happened to be passing by. What would you have done if he hadn't bought it, huh?"

"You're the one who said to do whatever it takes to get the story. I didn't think flirting with the cop was gonna get you out of a speeding ticket, and I didn't want you talking your way into a night in a cell," reasoned Clark.

"Flirting? Ha! As if _you_ would know when I'm flirting," scoffed Lois, still unaware that her cousin was watching her with intrigue.

"I've been on the receiving end of your flirting Lois, when you hit on me. Twice," he emphasised pointedly _._ "Trust me, I know." Clark still hadn't registered that they had company either. Granted, Lois had not been herself on those occasions when she'd flirted with him, but he could never forget the way her predatory eyes leered so avariciously and suggestively.

Lois' cheeks flushed for the microsecond it took to regain her composure after that little jab. "I was obviously out of my mind. And anyway, what the hell makes you think I would try and flirt my way out of anything huh?"

"I've seen you try it with other cops."

"Yeah well, you still told him I was pregnant. Why'd you have to go and do that? You could've told him anything, like maybe it was my appendix or something. Now I don't actually have an appendix since I had it removed when I was 8 and the General let me eat nothing but ice cream for a week while Lucy had to finish her greens, but still!" Lois smiled at the memory, recalling Lucy pouting and not speaking to her because it was all so grossly unfair, before returning to her exasperated state.

Clark folded his arms, equally frustrated. "Well thanks to the officer, Milano's guys couldn't come near us. I saw them pass by while you were doing your thing. Besides, why did _you_ tell the cop I was going to propose to you but lost the ring? You made me sound like an idiot."

"At least mine was believable," Lois retorted, earning her a death glare from Clark.

Chloe's eyebrows had been creeping higher and higher with each revelation. All day, her mind had been filled with ideas about her own upcoming engagement do but from what she was hearing right now, Lois and Clark were much further down the road to matrimonial bliss than she and Jimmy. Hitting on each other, planning to get engaged (with a real ring no less) and even expecting the arrival of a little bundle of joy. It was in moments like this where Chloe wished for nothing more than a bucket of popcorn, though she did allow herself a moment to think about what any child of theirs would be like. Maybe it would have Clark's abilities. Maybe it would have Lois' fiery personality. If it had both, now _there_ was a whirlwind in the making.

"Ahem!" Chloe cleared her throat noisily, finally getting their attention.

Lois and Clark ceased their bickering, only now realising that they'd attracted an eager audience of one. Chloe had heard too much already and she was nosy enough to want to know the rest.

"Not that this little lover's spat isn't brightening up my day, but what exactly have you guys been up to today?" she enquired.

They looked at each other and Lois sighed before proceeding to fill Chloe in on their daring escape from the clutches of a criminal gang.

Breaking in while arguing. Snooping around while arguing. Almost getting caught while arguing. Dramatic car chases while arguing. Fake pregnancies while arguing. Made-up marriage proposals while arguing. It was all in a day's work for the Daily Planet's dynamic duo.

* * *

 **FIN.**


End file.
